it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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