Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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