We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
