Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
