I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
