i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
