I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
