I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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