Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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