i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
