I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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