Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
