she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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