PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
