i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
