ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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