Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
