I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
