Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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