I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night