Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
did i walk over a car last night?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?