I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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