you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
