does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
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I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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