so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
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dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
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At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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