I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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