3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
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He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
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Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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