I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
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I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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