I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
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I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
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Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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