I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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