I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize