Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.