You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.