HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it