He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I am naked and annoyed.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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