Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
