He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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