After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
