Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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