Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
