My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
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...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
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The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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