Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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