if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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