this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
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he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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