The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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