she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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