He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize