these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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