Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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