The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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