so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
