I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
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And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
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My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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