Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
