The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
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no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
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There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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